GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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