how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
