Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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