Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
