a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
