Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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