VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
