She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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