My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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