I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
where are you?
Hypothermia
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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