I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so let's talk penis.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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