the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
