I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
