Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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