Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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