what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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