her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
