When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
