I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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