after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
