WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
