just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize