Betty ford says i'm here all night
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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