Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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