Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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