no, he came in my armpit
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
