I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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