A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
