At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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