standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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