walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
