Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
