he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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