Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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