you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
