another moral hangover. fuck.
She said her name was "party"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
