You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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