Porn is love you can see.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
