i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
