It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
