I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize