all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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