Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
