Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
