we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
