i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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