About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's the barista slut.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
