For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
