i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
