I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
