Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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