Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
