Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
