Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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