I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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