...so i touched it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
