Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes

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(818): View more from California

don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.

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(586): View more from Michigan

just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.

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(817): View more from Texas

And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub

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(225): View more from Louisiana

But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.

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(845): View more from New York

Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back

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