but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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