There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
