I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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