WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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