Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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