the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize