I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
