miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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