Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
