An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize