My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
