Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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