Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize