Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
