Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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