here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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