no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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