I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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