He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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