HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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